Living With Invisible Pain: The Emotional and Physical Reality of Chronic Pain

Living with pain that no one can see is a unique kind of struggle. I’ve been dealing with it since I was young, possibly as early as 11, and certainly by 16, for more than 15 years now, nearly half of my life. Unlike a broken leg or a visible injury, invisible pain hides beneath the surface. There are no crutches, no bruises, no obvious signs to show others what you are going through.

No one can see the senior class trip that was missed because of excruciating neck pain. No one can see the days I can barely walk a few steps around the house because my sciatic nerves are so flared. No one sees the plans I have to avoid or cancel because one wrong move could trigger another four- to six-week flare.

When I tell people I am in pain, they often respond as if it’s something simple, like taking a Tylenol or stretching a bit. They don’t see the daily battle, the exhaustion, or the frustration that comes with chronic pain that hides in plain sight. If you live with chronic pain or an invisible illness, you know how isolating this can feel.

I want to share my story, how I cope and how I navigate the health system, in the hope that it helps others who are fighting the same invisible battle.

Doctor assessing patients back

Why Invisible Pain Is So Often Dismissed

Invisible pain is often misunderstood because it lacks visible signs. People expect pain to come with clear evidence: a cast, a limp, or a wound. When none of these are present, others may doubt the severity or even the existence of the pain. This misunderstanding can lead to isolation, frustration, and self-doubt.

Invisible pain can come from many conditions such as fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, arthritis, or nerve damage. In many cases, the pain shifts or changes intensity from day to day, making it even harder to explain. Because there are no outward symptoms, people, including some healthcare providers, may underestimate how deeply this pain affects daily life.

Research shows that people living with chronic pain and invisible illnesses are more likely to feel dismissed or misunderstood, which can worsen both emotional distress and physical symptoms. I have experienced this firsthand from doctors telling me my pain is “just stress” and that I simply need a vacation, to managers making jokes about my pain or assuming I am making excuses because my limitations don’t make sense to them. Navigating this has added layers of stress, frustration, embarrassment, shame, and even fear about the impact on my career.

The Emotional Weight of Being in Pain No One Can See

Living with pain that no one sees takes a heavy emotional toll. Over time, you learn to hide your pain because showing it may lead to judgment, disbelief, or uncomfortable questions. I don’t cry or scream in front of others. I don’t want to be seen as weak or dramatic. But inside, the pain is real and constant.

On an average day, my pain sits around a 4/10. A significant part of my mental energy is spent avoiding movements or activities that could push it to a seven or higher. When I do end up in a high-intensity flare, I experience severe muscle spasms that feel as though they reach deep into my bones as slow, twisting contractions that are unbearable. In those moments, there is nothing to fix it. All I can do is endure it and tell myself that it will eventually pass.

I still reach for heating blankets and Tylenol. Ibuprofen is no longer an option after years of damage to my stomach lining, so NSAIDs are off the table. It is defeating. It feels deeply unfair. I spiral into the familiar thoughts of “why me” and “I had so much I wanted to achieve, but my body won’t let me.”

Comments like “Just take some medicine” or “You look fine to me” are often meant to help, but they can feel deeply dismissive. Over time, I’ve had to accept that no one will ever fully feel what I feel - not my mom, not my husband, and not my doctors. That acceptance was painful, but it also allowed me to shift my energy toward managing my own health instead of constantly trying to prove that my pain is real.

Patient receiving massage in calm environment

How I Cope With Invisible Pain (What’s Helped Me)

I wish there were a single solution, but coping with invisible pain is not about finding one magic fix. For me, it requires a combination of medical support, nervous system work, and learning when to stop pushing my body beyond its limits.

Pain Reprocessing Therapy

I work with a therapist who specializes in chronic pain and pain reprocessing techniques. She teaches me tools to calm my nervous system and change how my brain interprets pain signals. What makes this especially meaningful is that she has lived experience with chronic pain herself, so I don’t have to explain or justify what I’m feeling.

Research suggests that for some people, chronic pain is driven by nervous system sensitization rather than ongoing tissue damage, which is why approaches like pain reprocessing therapy can be helpful.

Multidisciplinary Pain Management Programs

Through my insurance, I’ve been able to access hospital-based pain management programs that combine physical therapy, behavioral therapy, medication management, and education. Instead of treating each symptom in isolation, these programs view pain as a whole-body experience. This integrated approach made me feel less fragmented and far less alone in my care.

Mindfulness and Relaxation: A Realistic Take

Many mindfulness and relaxation techniques I found online did not help me on their own. I needed a more hands-on, guided approach. Learning techniques directly from my therapist, and practicing them throughout the day, made a bigger difference than generic videos or apps. Body scanning is my favorite.

Keeping a Pain Journal

Tracking pain patterns, triggers, diet, movement, and relief methods has been essential. Writing things down helps me identify patterns and communicate more clearly with healthcare providers. When symptoms are invisible, documentation becomes a powerful tool for self-advocacy.

Advocating for Myself in Healthcare

I prepare for appointments with notes and clear questions. I ask for referrals when needed and seek second opinions if I feel unheard. Over time, I’ve learned that I often need to suggest ideas or bring research to the table instead of relying solely on my doctor to guide the process.

What Daily Life Looks Like When You’re Living With Chronic Pain

Living with invisible pain means adapting daily routines to protect both physical and emotional well-being.

Slowing Down

We live in a culture that glorifies constant productivity and stress. Slowing down can feel like failure, but for chronic pain, it is often necessary. A constantly activated nervous system makes it harder for pain to calm.

Instead of rushing through my mornings, I now take time to slowly get out of bed, move intentionally while preparing breakfast, and log into work only when my workday actually begins. I no longer check emails or messages repeatedly before I am even officially clocked in. I no longer spend the morning scrolling through social media. It is too much input too fast. The slower movement and deeper breathing in the morning have given my nervous system space to settle.

Modifying Activities

It can be heartbreaking to accept that certain activities like running, hiking, lifting weights, or even household chores may not work the way they once did. I have had to modify or replace activities with options that are gentler on my body. I haven’t given up on improving, but I have accepted that some forms of movement may not be right for me right now.

Reducing Stress and Protecting Mood

At least 50% of Americans report feeling stressed, and roughly 1 in 5 report anxiety. I spent much of my young adulthood highly stressed, followed by persistent anxiety throughout my mid-twenties. Looking back, I can clearly see how this played a role in my chronic pain.

Chronic stress, anxiety, and frustration keep the nervous system stuck in fight-or-flight mode, which amplifies pain. When stress is managed, pain often becomes a little more tolerable. Creating moments of calm throughout the day has helped turn the volume down, even if it doesn’t eliminate the pain entirely.

Supporting the Body With an Anti-Inflammatory Diet

I know this sounds generic but nutrition really does plays a supportive role in managing chronic pain. Eating an anti-inflammatory diet helps reduce the overall stress placed on the body. When digestion is not constantly strained by highly processed or heavy foods, more energy can be directed toward healing and repair.

I personally start my mornings with eggs, sourdough toast, and avocado. For lunch, I leave some flexibility for convenience whether that means a healthier takeout option or something more carb-heavy like a chicken sandwich or chicken with sweet potatoes. Dinner is almost always a combination of protein, a healthy carbohydrate, and vegetables. I make fresh juice with high levels of antioxidants several times a week and do my best to avoid fried, greasy, and sugary foods. I am still human though, so there has to be a few treats here and there. More on this in future blogs.

Healthy breakfast - Eggs, avocado, blueberries

If You’re Living With Invisible Pain, This Is for You

If you live with invisible pain, your experience is valid. Even when others cannot see what you are carrying, that does not make it any less real. It is okay to ask for help, to rest, and to prioritize your health.

This journey requires patience and resilience. It is not linear, often times a rollercoaster, and progress often comes in small, quiet ways. Learning to care for your body with compassion is not giving up, it is an act of strength.

You are not alone.

Multiple people joining togethers together in circle

Sources

National Institutes of Health (NIH). Chronic Pain and the Brain. https://www.ninds.nih.gov

Harvard Health Publishing. Understanding Chronic Pain. https://www.health.harvard.edu

Cleveland Clinic. How Stress Affects Chronic Pain. https://health.clevelandclinic.org

JAMA. Central Sensitization and Chronic Pain. https://jamanetwork.com

Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health. Anti-Inflammatory Diet. https://www.hsph.harvard.edu